Love? maybe...

by: lvsnn

Why do I have this fear of love? 

I am so afraid of love,

I am so afraid that I would be hurt again,

I love him... very much,

But I did, what I had to do...

Since the night I broke up with him, I become so scared of love, this wasn't supposed to happen.  

Being in love was suppose to be happy and fun?

Why is mine different?

Love gives me anxiety, it just scare the hell out of me. 

Since that night, I shut myself from people, not giving too much, and not allowing my self to love or be loved. 

Since what happened that night, I wonder what is the purpose of falling in love with someone, and then be with them, when in the end you know it's not gonna last and that you'll lose him forever? 

What was the purpose of falling in love when in the end you're just getting your heart broken by the one person you love. 

You're gonna lose him, and you're gonna be strangers again. When you actually used to be the one who was always there for him. 

How is it possible for someone who are still in love, chooses to brake up?

And how is it possible for me to still have feelings for him? 

I broke up with him, not because he cheated on me, he is a good guy, I just felt that we weren't meant for each other, and that the relationship is not going to work out. Just by thinking not being by his side anymore hurts me.

I was hurt by you, and when I broke up with you, I felt so bad because it was just out of the blue, I am so sorry to what I had put you through, and to be honest I was also hurt by hurting you. 

But I have to love myself, seeing myself in pain was intolerable for me, if I don't love myself, who will? It was really hard for me to broke up with you, since I was so in love with you, but I just had to do it.

But you... 

You didn't love me enough to fight for me?

And ask me to stay? 

So I left... 

You told me that night that you love me enough to let me go and want me to be happy, but how am I suppose to be happy without you? 

You told me that you can't bear the thought of me being hurt or unhappy because of you.

You told me that my decision of breaking up is a good idea, so that I could be happy without you.

That was our last conversation, our last text and the last time I had contact with you.

I miss you... a lot.

But if being happy without you is something you want for me...

I will try...

I will try to be happy without you...

xoxo :,)

To: arb